by: David Chastity

Dear In Our Words readers,

I feel like we have gotten so close over the past few months. We’ve shared about a lot of really important things, like why Sister Wives is a really good show, and which Presidents are the sexiest. So I feel comfortable discussing something much more intimate with you now, something dear to my heart.

Blow jobs. Sucking cock. Fellatio. I hate the words for every sex act except this one. Seriously, I have so much trouble telling anyone what I like because it sounds dumb and/or gross. But the words we have to describe putting a penis in your mouth are the best words. So I can talk about blow jobs. Unfortunately, I don’t like blow jobs nearly as much as I like every other sex act, all the ones with the terrible names that sound terrible. It’s quite the dilemma. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those girls who’s all “ewwww penises,” I just have other places I like putting a penis, if I get the choice. And other places I like putting my mouth. But let’s slow down a second. Let’s go back to the beginning.

I distinctly remember the first time I heard the phrase “blow job.” On the bus, eighth grade. The boy I’d had a crush on since fifth grade was telling a story about how he saw some graffiti advertising BJs for like, $5. I pretended I knew what he was talking about, but fortunately another girl asked him to explain. And he said “a woman puts her mouth on a man’s penis and blows.” And we all went “ewwww” as 13-year-olds do, and I filed it away into my head as “people do some weird fucked up shit sometimes,” except with way less cursing, because I was a really innocent child.

I don’t remember when I learned that literal blowing was not a part of actual blow jobs. Definitely before being confronted with a penis. I know that there was a girl on my bus when I was in 9th grade (the bus is the place for sex ed, kids) who both loved giving blow jobs and talking about it. Again, being a sheltered child, I was kind of aghast at her forward ways, and wished I didn’t know so much about her sex life. I certainly wasn’t thinking, “I, too, would like to put a penis in my mouth.  That sounds like fun.”

At some point in high school, I started delving into gay culture, looking for my People, whom I apparently thought were gay men (I have past life theories about this, but that’s for another day). I don’t remember if it was Joey Comeau’s writing, or the Queer as Folk I got from my parents’ Netflix and secretly watched after they went to bed, but I finally started to understand that blow jobs are something men really enjoy receiving, and can be enjoyed by the giver, too. As I started to awaken to my own sexuality, I started to realize that I love putting things in my mouth, and that a penis might be really nice. Alas, I still had no penis to experiment on.

Around the time I graduated high school, I got me a serious boyfriend, one who had sexual experience, quite unlike me. And then I promptly went off to Germany, leaving my sexual education to late-night MSN messenger chats. This boyfriend was all about blow jobs, which is when I started really thinking about them a lot, though I realized that I should probably also worry about my hair-trigger gag reflex. I spent a lot of time that year letting pens slide toward the back of my throat while I was chewing on them, seeing if I could keep things relaxed instead of hacking. I’d like to say I was somewhat successful in my ventures, but I never managed to try it out on that particular boyfriend.  I made it back to the States just to go to college, and we finally gave up trying to maintain a relationship across so many miles.

I sure did get a rebound relationship in college, though. I think we hooked up three times, and that final time, we didn’t have a condom, so we went for oral sex. I don’t really remember what I did with his penis. I only knew that there’s that scene in Angels in America where Harper is listening to Dr. Laura, and hears some advice like “treat the penis like an ice cream cone.” So I definitely had that bit, and those episodes of Queer as Folk I’d seen, and I did something that must have been effective enough in our inexperienced fumblings. We broke up a week or two later, and then I entered a long period of singleness.

Over the past two years or so, though, I’ve been slutting it up with a vengeance. I don’t remember who owned the first penis I put in my mouth in this new phase of constant sex. (I mean, really, there’s periods where sex partners kinda blur together. Whoops.) I do know that there was an orgy where I ended up sucking most of the cocks in the room, and being told I had a “talented mouth.” I remember a threesome with a lovely couple where the dude was really into receiving oral, and both me and his girlfriend spent a long time licking and sucking (although I mostly wanted to get my tongue on her bits). I definitely discovered that my gag reflex remains pretty strong, and I always stopped sucking before the guy came, so I wouldn’t have to try to decide where to put his cum, or figure out if I had to try to fit even more of that penis down my throat.

A few months ago I learned another great tip, which I’m excited to share with you, ’cause it’s transformed my blow job experience. When you’ve got a cock in your mouth, there’s nothing stopping you from putting a hand or two on the shaft to keep it from thrusting too deep! Plus extra pressure and touching makes it better for the dude, too. I still give blow jobs pretty infrequently, ’cause of the thing where I like putting penises and my mouth in other places, but when things head toward oral, this strategy is a lifesaver. I’ve sucked dudes to orgasm now, which makes me feel better and less selfish, too.

So, where does this leave blow jobs on my sexy menu? Low, still, but no longer because I feel less confident about it. Instead, I’m focusing more on the things that turn me on and get me excited, and I don’t really get the energy off a male partner during oral that I get off a female (going down on a vagina remains my favorite sex act). I feel pretty good owning that I can suck cock, and enjoy it well enough, but I prefer it in my sometimes repertoire than my always repertoire. And that level of self-knowledge is the sexiest thing yet.