In an attempt to become more like the shiksa yentas of their dreams, Nico and Patrick have developed a questionnaire for willing writers to fill out. They feel this will help showcase the writer’s stellar assets and get them laid/meet wonderful people. The writers of In Our Words deserve nice things.
If this were a beauty pageant, how would you introduce yourself?
I’m a happy medium. Healthy balance of city and country gal, profoundly United Methodist with a decent dose of holy hell-raising heretic, form-fitted to be an excellent housewife, but too stubborn, independent, and motivated to not be working to shake the world up a bit as career and passion.
What famous person epitomizes your ideal mate and why?
At the moment, Shakira looks like a good option, since I’m living in her patria and she cares about helping kids get access to education. But there are many famous people who seem wonderful enough to be an ideal, so who really knows, anyway?
What’s something that almost no one knows or that you usually don’t tell people about yourself?
Anyone who spends more than five minutes with me knows that I play with my hair, a lot. What they most likely don’t know is that it is not, in fact, as most assume, a nervous habit, but just a habit I’ve had since before I can remember.
What you think is our culture’s biggest hang up with sex and dating?
The idea that it’s all necessary to live a fulfilling life is one of the biggest hangups. I’m not opposed to it, but I just don’t see it as being all that necessary in my life to be happy. Likely wouldn’t decrease my happiness, but I’m plenty happy single, too.
How do you think we can foster world peace?
I genuinely believe that fostering peace comes down to building relationships. When we see “the other” as a human being and not simply as something “other” or different, we are able to better understand our interdependence and the necessity of supporting each other’s struggles for justice.
What are you long-term goals?
Recently someone asked me if I’m planning on getting married and having kids and I almost had a panic attack, so let’s leave well enough alone. I defer to Queen – “any way the wind blows doesn’t really matter to me.”
If you had to stay in on a Friday night alone or with someone special, how would you spend it?
I would curl up under a bunch of blankets and a cup of tea because Bogota has no heat in the houses, with Netflix and cuddling if someone special is in the picture. Or shameless dancing around my room to Kelly Clarkson if alone.
When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I wanted to be many careers at many different points in my childhood. But my favorite dream career was and always shall be “astronaut on the International Space Station.”
Did your parents ever catch you having sex or masturbating?
No. But, as a pastor’s kid, there’s this slightly risky fantasy that we’re all contractually required to have. However, I’ll leave it at that. Private inquiries are welcome, though.
What are the lessons you learned from your most significant relationship?
I really need to listen to my intuition, even if it defies what my logic or even my heart tells me. Also, be okay with dissonance, because if everything were always in perfect harmony, there wouldn’t be any interest, beauty, or room for change and growth.
What are your dealbreakers in a partner?
R. E. S. P. E. C. T. But also a sense of humor, preferably sarcastic. And a sense of playfulness. Basically, respect me and don’t take yourself too seriously. And you can expect the same from me.
Are you a dog person or a cat person and why?
I am, at the core, a dog person. Nothing beats the goofy grin and cuddly power of a dog. That said, I’m in the process of overcoming my childhood paralyzing fear of our long-gone demon-possessed cat, so I’m more okay with cats these days. Especially if they act like dogs.
What’s one thing you want to tell the world?
Be yourself, love yourself, love others, and the rest will follow.
The Voice or American Idol?
I reject your US-centric binary and substitute with a contextual response. Colombia’s Yo Me Llamo. Because it’s impersonators (what a great twist, right?) and interesting and what’s available to me at the moment.
Britney or Christina?
Again, rejecting the binary. Shakira is where it’s at. She’s got variety and talent and is just incredible. Though in the Britney/Christina debate, I’m all Christina – that woman can SING.
If you could be famous for only one thing, what would it be?
I’ve got some weird double-jointed talents that I’ve always joked would be perfect for some sort of side show freak act. So that.
At gunpoint, if you had to pick one of the current GOP candidates to be our future president, who would it be and why?
Rick Santorum. I think the US needs a good slap-in-the-face about the direction politics are going, and maybe we’d finally learn from our mistakes if we made a truly colossal one? Then again, I hoped we’d learn from Bush, and that turned out really well.
Big spoon or little spoon?
Well, I am short/vertically-challenged/fun-size, so little spoon is oft the logical choice. But we can negotiate. I’m all about compromise for the common good in relationship.
What’s the most important thing to you in a relationship?
Someone who can put up with all my idiosyncrasies is always nice. I have this tendency to be all over the board in many ways, so someone who can keep up with and appreciate that is well-worth my time in my book. And open communication.
Finish the phrase: I could never be with someone who _______________.
does not first love themselves; as the immortal RuPaul reminds us, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the HELL are you gonna love anybody else? Can I get a amen?”