by: Emma Rose
1. You spell theatre with an -re at the end because that’s the “real way.”
2. You knew Hugh Jackman before he was Wolverine and still think he’s hotter in shiny, gold
3. The camera work on Glee upsets you because it doesn’t highlight the ripples in the
4. John Travolta’s performance in the Hairspray film offends you.
5. You can change your entire outfit — bra, tights, and shoes included — in less than 30 seconds.
6. After a bad breakup, you listen to the Aida soundtrack to remind yourself that your love life
could indeed be more depressing than it already is.
7. You look up YouTube videos of the Wicked Tony performance just so you can hear Idina Menzel’s voice crack.
8. You get really excited about stage revolves. Maybe a little too excited.
9. When you have children, you want to have twin girls so you can name them Megan and Shoshana.
10. Sutton Foster is the only reason you can justify sitting through Anything Goes.
11. When somebody ends a sentence in “5 minutes,” you respond, “Thank you, 5!”
12. You were in a production of Peter Pan and you found fairy dust in your underwear three
weeks after the show closed.
13. The day you landed a triple pirouette in Manhattans was the proudest day of your life.
14. Your religious education comes from Fiddler on the Roof, Altar Boys, Nunsense, and The Book of Mormon.
15. You were in a production of Footloose in high school.
16. Your “showmance” ended because the guy you were seeing decided he was swinging on the other side of bi.
17. You already put the Smash soundtrack on your Spotify playlist.
18. You’d rather be nine people’s favorite thing than a hundred people’s favorite thing.
19. You know that unless you want to go on stage looking like you rolled out of the ugly factory, the costumer is always right.
20. It’s tech Sunday. You’ve been at the theatre for 19 hours straight and don’t plan on leaving any time soon.
21. Even though you’re a tech person and you’ve never been onstage, you still know how to do a time step.
22. No matter what show you’re working on, how good the cast is, or how phenomenal your stage crew/tech works, the Sunday matinee show will always tank.
23. You’ve said, “I can’t; I have rehearsal” so many times that your non-theatre friends forget to invite you to things.
24. You don’t understand why people applaud for kick lines.
25. You can never watch Saved By the Bell the same way because you’re so upset that Mario Lopez performed in A Chorus Line.
26. You consider it an achievement that you made it through 25 musical theatre references without bringing up Les Mis, Rent, or Phantom of the Opera.
27. You have a secret fear of falling into the orchestra pit.
28. Somebody wishes you a broken appendage and you thank them. (Fun fact: “Break a leg” refers to the leg of the curtain. The goal is to have the audience asking for so many encores at the end of the show that the leg can’t support the curtain being opened and closed so many times.)
29. You know that what happens at the cast party stays at the cast party.
30. You think that whoever said, “The show must go on” was hateful. Scenario: The lead decided to pull a diva and drop out the week before the show opened. Three ensemble members have injuries. The other lead lost his voice and is suffering from migraines. Lights keep burning out, somebody flushed their mic down the toilet, and the brakes on the set pieces won’t lock.
31. Dance belts no longer faze you.
32. You cry when you go to a Broadway show — partially because you’re so happy to be there, partially because the lighting cues are so stunning and partially because you want that to be your life.
33. Whenever you watch Law & Order, you mourn the death of Jesse L. Martin’s stage career.
34. You’ll never understand why you decided to audition for an August production of Beauty and the Beast at an outdoor theatre. The costumes, oh Lord, the costumes.
35. The show closed and you don’t have rehearsal tonight. You don’t remember what it’s like to have free time, and so you just audition for another show.
36. You’ve refreshed the same web page 32 times in the last 10 minutes to see if the cast list is posted.
37. There’s no way any athlete is in better shape than you. You sing and dance at the same time.
38. Your roommates know the words to all of your go-to shower songs.
39. When you were a child, your father put a slab of wood in the garage so he wouldn’t have to listen to you tap dancing in the kitchen anymore.
40. When nobody’s home, you clear out the living room furniture and perform soundtrack after soundtrack to an empty room.
Emma Rose is a fourth-year student at DePaul University and is studying Catholic Studies, Creative Writing, and Spanish. She is passionate about blues dancing, service and justice work, baking, faith, laughter, and relationships. She hopes to pursue a career in faith-based service and justice work.